


The Peace She Wanted

by Its_mary4



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Arumika Week, Character Death, F/M, Kissing, Love Confessions, Loving Marriage, Marriage, Original Character(s), Post-War, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 17:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20782544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_mary4/pseuds/Its_mary4
Summary: Mikasa tries to convince Armin to marry her .





	The Peace She Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Arumika Week  
Day 5: time-skip

"Are sure of what you want?" He questioned in concern as he held her hands between his . 

"I want it , Armin . I want you to marry me . You don't understand, don't you ?" She gazed at his ocean blue eyes for minutes before she continued , "two years ago we lost Eren . And now you only have three years and after that am going to lose you . I'm going to lose my family again ! After that all I'll have is your memories . Even those memories …" she stopped for a minute as if she was choosing the right words . He fixed his attention at her .

"Those memories are damaged . I barely remember moments where we were actually happy . All my memories with Eren are death and tears , but now with you I can make happy ones . If we got married we'll be able to make our happy moments for the next three years ." She explained holding her gaze into his eyes . He nodded . 

"I totally get what you mean , Mikasa . It's really a big step to take and I want you to think about it more . I don't want you to regret this after I die . Will you be able to be happy only with ghost memories ? It's easy to say it , but will actually be happy ?" 

"Yes , I will . " She held her hand to his face , "Look , if you accept my offer , I'll be . Armin , you're my only family . I'd like to remember moments when we're happy after you leave ." She spoke smoothly .

"I don't promise you to accept , but I'll think about it" he stood up as to give her sign to leave . She got up and nodded . He walked her to the door , before she left she hugged him and whispered her thanks in his ear . He rubbed his back to assure her . she whispered "Good night" after that she left .

That night Armin stayed wide awake thinking about Mikasa's offer . He couldn't think properly to tell her a certain answer . If he agrees , he'd be happy to spend his last days with the girl he loved since childhood , but, he'd feel guilty because she'll be forced to live the rest of her life in pain of missing him and his memories . Although she assured him she won't , he knows she will , because he experienced this . she experienced this and that'd mean she'll have to feel this all over again . He doesn't want to hurt her . If he rejects her offer he'd make her feel sad & rejected by her only family . Either ways he'll hurt her . It's like he's running in a circle no matter where he goes he'll return to the same spot . For the first time in his whole life Armin actually feels angry at the world . This cruel world . If , maybe if they were born in another time , in another world they'd be happy .

  
  


The same thing could be said about Mikasa . She was sorting the many things they can do together if he accepts . She thinks she is starting to love him , although she never knew when those feeling exactly started , but If he loves her back . If they get married , They can travel around the world after all that's his dream . They can decorate their home as they want . They can play chess . They can read books . A Lot of books . They can have late night conversation . But then it clicked , the uncertainties. What if he rejects the offer . What if he was right and i won't be happy ? So many what ifs came to her mind until she fall asleep . 

*******************

They were sitting together under the tree in total silent watching the soldiers training , until Armin broke the silence , "Jean.. I want to ask you for advice ?" 

"Hmm ?" Jean hummed in response 

"So there's this thing on my mind . I'm so hesitant about ." He told him the whole story as Jean listened carefully . Armin knows that Jean is head over heel in love with Mikasa , so he trusts he can choose the best thing for her . Also he always trusts his judgement .

"You know Mikasa so well . And if there's something I've …. We've learned from knowing her is that she's so determined to do whatever on her mind . you can't refuse her offer . Especially if she assured you that she can live happily with your memories .. you know .. after you leave . I won't deny that it will hurt her , but we both know that she's strong . Stronger than all of us to quote her words ." He spoke steadily "It's your choice in the end , but if I was you , I won't refuse it" 

Mikasa noticed they were looking at her , so she walked to them .

"What are you two discussing ?" She forced a smile 

"Nothing in particular . I was telling Armin that you're hair grew again and it suited you perfectly" Jean lied simply 

"Thank you" she mouthed , "Armin" she looked at him .

"Yes ?" 

"Did you think about what I told you?"

"I- I did . And I'm still undecided" He hesitated . She mouthed "oh" and walked away . She felt kinda disappointed .

  
  


*************

  
  


"Commander Zoe!" He nodded , "thank you for accepting to see me."

"Needless . " she nodded so he sit on the opposite chair and he did .

"so what did you want to ask me ?" She asked 

"I wanted to ask you for advice since you're older and more experienced" he stated 

"I'd like to help " she spoke , "so about what ?"

"Mikasa wants to marry me." He announced 

"Oh that's … wait what ?" She was so shocked 

"Mikasa wants to marry me . As she thinks that will help her create memories with me , so she can remember me after I leave" he mentioned 

"Well … and what's exactly you're asking advice for . Oh wait wait .. i think i guessed it ! You want to learn how to kiss a girl , right" she grinned 

"No no , not like this" he now regrets coming to Hanji 

"C'mon don't be shy" she pressed

"No , it's not like that . I don't want to marry her" he said 

"Oh .. but why ? I mean don't you love her ?"

"Of course I do ! It's just- i don't think she'll be able be happy with memories . " he spoke with hesitation 

"The happier the memories , the saddier the become to remember" she mumbled to no one in particular . She then raised her head and put her hand on his shoulder , "I trust your judgement , Armin . If you think she won't be happy , then I believe she won't . Although I'd like you two be couple , because I know how much you both care about each other." She simply stated 

"Thanks for your time" he got up to leave and she walked him to the door of her office .

****************

"Armin!" Mikasa rubbed her eyes , "what is it bringing you to my dorm at 2 a.m ?"

It's something really important , I can't say it here . Can I come in ?" She sighed and stepped aside . He noticed she is wearing her nightgown and has a bed hair , "I'm sorry for waking you up"

"It's okay" she yawned 

"I thought about what you told me , Mikasa and I decided to reject your offer . I have my reasons . I'm so sorr-" she pressed her lips to his . His eyes widened from the surprise . It wasn't a sweet kiss , but rather a rough one . 

"Hush , don't say anything." She kissed him again, Her arms snaking into his hair . He pulled back gasping for air .

"What are you doing ?" He was shocked . She walked closer to him , their faces almost touching . "Kissing you obviously" she stated it casually 

"No ..I mean why ?" He was panicking .  _ Where did her behaviour come from , he wondered . _

"Because I love you , you blockhead !" She pulled him into another kiss , "I don't know when or where I started loving you , but I know that I want you . You're the peace I want . I want to spend the next three years with you . Every day . All day . I don't know why am feeling this , but I know you always were there beside me . Believe me I will be happy with you , Armin . I will . Please don't leave me . Don't make me feel unwanted and rejected again." Armin was speechless he could not say anything . He smiled and kissed her back .

"Mikasa , I've always loved you . From the first day we met . But I always knew you're heart wasn't mine." He stopped talking for a moment , "I'd do anything to make you happy" she smiled and hugged him , he wrapped her in his arms .

  
  


***************

  
  


"Do you, Armin Arlert, take this beautiful Bride to be your loving Wife for all eternity; through sickness, health, heartache and through all the trials you shall face? Through the birth of your first child and through the others that may follow? Do you, Armin, take Mikasa Ackerman to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I very much do, Sir."

"Good."

"And do you, Mikasa Ackerman, take this man, this brave smart soldier, Armin Arlert to be your loving Husband for all eternity; through sickness, through health, through the many trials you shall face ? Do you, Miss Ackerman, take Armin Arlert to be your lawful wedded Husband?"

"Yes sir, I do!"

"Then by this power given to me today, by the trust bestowed in me by these two young adults in love, and the very magic that surrounds us, I do hereby declare Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman Arlert as husband and wife."

There was a pause.

"You may now kiss your beautiful bride , Armin" 

Armin looked at Mikasa who looked so stunning and leaned in to kiss her . Everyone started clapping . 

"I love you , Mikasa Arlert . I will always do ." He whispered 

"I love you, too ." She smiled 

There wedding was really simple . They held it in the castle's garden since they were the queen's friends and one of the soldiers who protected and served paradise during the war . They didn't invite many people . Only their commander , Hange Zoe , their respective captain Levi Ackerman , their dear friends , Jean , Connie and Historia and few other soldiers.

************

  
  


"How about putting the table in the left corner?" Mikasa wondered 

"I think it's good idea , but wouldn't be better if it was in the middle ?" Armin disagreed with her opinion in his own way 

"Well , if that's what you want I'll agree , but you have to pay me ?" She teased

"Oh really and what does Mrs. Arlert want ?" He wrapped his arms around her neck 

"Hmm ? Maybe ... a kiss ?" She leaned to kiss him and he kissed her back gently . 

They continued the night decorating their home . The home they'd live in happily together. It wasn't all fancy or huge . Just small house in Wall Sina because they wanted to live peacefully .

*************

  
  


"Here it is , your favourite ramen noodles !" Mikasa put the bowl in front of Armin 

"Thank you !" Armin smiled , "you prepare the most delicious food ever." 

"I learned that from aunty Clara ." She stated with a small smile 

"Mika , can you feed me yourself ?" He changed the topic 

"Don't act like a baby !" She chuckled

"But I'm your baby , right?" He pouted 

"Don't do that lil' pout . That's unfair !" She laughed

"But-" still pouting

"Okay fine !" She stretched her hand to feed him . She joked about how Armin always acts like a baby around her for the rest of the dinner .

************

  
  


They were cuddling on the sofa while reading some book when the door suddenly was knocked . 

"Who'd come in the middle of the night ?" Armin wondered , then he got up to open the door . 

"Jean-" said Armin

"Can I come in . It's really important !" He interrupted Armin . Armin opened the door slightly more so Jean can enter .

"Who's there bab-" she fall silent for moments , "Jean ! What's wrong ?" 

"There's an attack on Paradise . Some Marleyens were against the arrangement . They decided to attack us . In the moment we're talking our soldiers are fighting on the other side of the island ." Jean explained , "look , I know you two retired from duty , but right now we need both of you . Captain Levi sent me. He told me to tell you that he needs your help , Mikasa. Commander Hange said that she needs Armin's strategies ." 

Mikasa walked away into the house .

"Where are you going , Mika ?" Jean asked loud so she can hear him 

"To bring our 3DMG . I put them somewhere in the basement . Don't worry will not let any of you down." Mikasa stated , "Armin , come help me search"

"I knew you won't ." Jean smiled widely 

**************

  
  


The battle continued for 3 days . They won against the enemy . They took some of them as hostages . Killed some. In return , They were many injured soldiers from their army . A few ones who died . Armin was injured , but he sure would survive due to his regenerating ability. 

_ 'They couldn't live peacefully as they wanted . They belonged to the battlefields .' _ That what Mikasa realized that day .  _ She realized she won't escape and live peacefully . She couldn't . She belonged here _ .

***************

"Mikasa ... Armin , We're grateful. And we're sorry . Although you two are retired . We still forced you to fight. Although you two made it clear you are done fighting ." Hange told them , "it's okay you two can return home . I'll do . We'll do the rest ." 

"I don't wanna go ." Mikasa replied with a poker face, "I've decided I wanna continue fighting . I don't belong to a peaceful world . I can't ." 

"Now , will you take me to see Armin ?" Mikasa asked frimly 

"Ah- .. of course" Hange smiled awkwardly . She got up and Mikasa followed her . 

"Can we discuss your decision, later ?" Hange offered. Mikasa simply hummed in response.

"Here ! Armin is in this room ." Hange told her and left to wherever she wanted to go .

Mikasa stood before the door . She hesitated to open it. She remembered when her , Eren , Armin and the others were here . Many times . After each battle . Each time they got hurt or injured . For the last year . Since she married Armin , she buried those memories . These parts of her life . She didn't want to live them again . She decided she wanted to live a simple peaceful life . One when she was a normal girl. A girl who never lost anyone . A girl who never saw or dealt with death . A girl who has never been scarred . A girl who she dreamt to be . So she pretended to be , but now she was suddenly reminded by her fate . She took a deep breath before she opened the door. 

Armin's body was sleeping peacefully . He didn't move or anything . If it wasn't for his chest rising and falling slowly indicating his breathing she could've thought he is dead . She walked slowly and sat beside him . Taking his hands in her own . 

"Armin , I'm sorry . I promised you to make the last three years of your life peaceful and happy . But we don't belong there. We don't belong among happy, peaceful people . We're scarred with death . We can't keep running ." She told him tears running down her cheeks 

**************

Armin was studying some plans when his office door suddenly opened . 

"I brought lunch here . I don't feel like eating in the mess hall ." Mikasa stated before he can question anything . 

"You came at the right time . I'm so hungry ." Armin was so happy to see Mikasa

He cleared the table so she could put the plates on it. She sat on the opposite chair and started eating .

"So how was your day ?" He wondered

"Nothing really . Just training . And yours ?"

"I had a meeting with Hange-san and Captain Levi on the morning . And since then I'm studying these plans ." He eat some soap before continuing , "You know , darling. I think we should have a rest . Since Marley's attack six months ago and we're working consistently . I mean we have half the time left for us. Let's have at least one month off . " She coughed to clear her throat .

"Armin , can we talk about that later ?" She was trying to ignore the fact that he has only a year and half to live .

She lied to him. In fact she just came from a meeting with Hange-san and Captain Levi . 

" _ We're gathered here to discuss how will inherit the colossal titan powers ." Hange began the meeting . Mikasa felt a sharp pain in her heart , but she tried to look natural. _

_ "We , Me , Hange , Queen Historia and the leaders of other military branches all agreed that Jean is the perfect inheritor . He have proven his loyalty to us . He is smart and responsible . Does any of you disagree with our decision ?" The meeting room fall silent , "Good" Levi stated  _

_ "Does any of you have something to say ?" Mikasa raised her hand , "Yes , Mrs. Arlert?" _

_ "I think it's too early to discuss something like this . After all Armin still has a year and half . When are you exactly trying to transfer his powers ? Did you actually consider that Jean may not accept ?" She clenched her teeth _

_ "Calm down . We know this is personal to you , but we're in a workplace . And don't worry we're not going to transfer the power until Armin start to get weaker . And yes we considered Jean's opinion and he actually accepted ." Levi answered casually  _

  
  


"Mikasa , are okay ? You've been looking at your meal for ten minutes now ." He questioned concernedly

"Nothing I just don't feel like eating , either . You can have my meal ,too" she pushed her plate to his . 

Before he could protest she got up and left his office. He knew there was something off today , but since he knew her well , he knew she needed a time alone .

************

"Armin?" She raised her eyes to his . They were reddened from the crying . Her voice was shaky . She tried to reach to him . He stepped closer and hugged her .

"I know . I know . Hange told me ." He rubbed her back . 

"Armin, you only have a year and half . You are going to leave me . I'm going to lose someone again ." She felt her throat was dry . He held her chin up so she was looking at him . He used his thumb to wipe her tears .

"Didn't you promise me ? You'll never cry . It's not the end . We still have time . We'll be happy . Why are you crying and sad ?" He pressed her against his chest . 

**************

They were walking in the park , holding hands , having conversations and looking deeply in love . For anyone they seemed like a normal couple . 

But they were not . They were far from being normal. 

Anxiety and uncertainty ate them away . They tried to fit in. To seem happy . 

Though there were moments when they'd forget everything . They'd feel really happy . But they reality will eventually haunt them . 

Armin seemed more acceptant of his fate . He seemed happy to spend his last days with Mikasa . He seemed grateful. Although what really haunted him is that he'd leave a scar in Mikasa's heart . He'd hurt her , although she always made him happy and always fought to protect him .

Mikasa avoided the truth . Tried to always forget it . When she did she felt truly alive . She felt pure happiness . But she'd eventually remember that each day means less time . She never truly knew she'd be that haunted when she offered him to marry her . She thought that she'd find the peace she always wanted with him , but she was wrong . 

*************

The day had arrived . The day Armin would leave forever . 

Armin sat on the table writing a letter . He carefully put it in an envelope . He walked to his and Mikasa's room , he opened his closest and hid inside a pocket of one of his jackets. 

Mikasa came from the market . She didn't say anything and started making breakfast immediately .

"I made some omelette ." She put the plate in front of him . 

"And you ? Don't you wanna eat ?" He questioned

"No I don't-" he stood and hugged her tightly . 

"You promised me . You promised you're going to be strong . You're going to be happy ." He told her softly. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and cried . 

It's really hard. It's different from losing her parents , because she didn't know at that time . But in this case , she knows . She knows it's their last meal together . Their last conversation . He wiped her tears and kissed her . She kissed back . Their last kiss.

"I'll be ." She wiped her face .

They finished their meal and went out . To the church. The place where Armin will give his powers to Jean .

They entered silently , holding hands . Jean , Hange , and Levi were there . Armin hugged Mikasa for the last time

"I love you , I'll always do." he whispered . She hugged him silently . He pulled away and walked upstairs to where Hange and Jean were standing . 

Levi stood closer to Mikasa holding her in case she decided to do something crazy . Mikasa stood there not resisting . Lost in her own feelings and thoughts .

"Are you ready ?" Jean and Armin both nodded . Hange injected Jean then went down stairs . Armin closed his eyes . 

_ It's the end . It's his end . He'll miss Mikasa .  _

Mikasa started crying silently as she watched Armin being eaten by Jean . 

***********

Mikasa decided to do a memorial for Armin . She even buried an empty coffin . He deserved to be remembered .

"I'm sorry , Mikasa" Jean felt really guilty. 

"It's okay . It's not your fault ." She told him . 

"It's none of yours either ." She told Hange . 

After everyone left , Hange and Jean were the only ones who stayed with Mikasa . They escorted her to her home . They eventually left after they made sure she's safe . 

It's been a week now . Nothing changed at home . His things are still when he left 'em . But he was missing . His voice and his touch were missing . 

_ I was stupid when I thought I could be happy without him , she told herself _

*************

It's been a month since he left . Mikasa have been back at work for a week . She thought she may forget if she busied herself . Her thoughts always wondered about him . 

She was walking to the mess hall to grab lunch when she suddenly felt the whole place was spinning . 

She passed out and everyone gathered around her . Jean saw her and rushed her to the infirmary . 

She woke up an hour later . She was greeted by Connie , Jean and Hange . 

"What happened ?" She wondered 

"You passed out in the middle of the mess hall . Jean carried you to here ." Hange explained . "So how are you feeling now ?" 

"You're finally awake!" The doctor interrupted . 

"What's wrong , doctor ? Is there anything wrong with her ?" Connie asked concerned

"Not at all . In fact, she's pregnant" They were surprised. Mikasa smiled weakly . 

"You left me a gift , so" she touched her belly 

************

She was hugging his clothes . Smelling his scent . A habit she gained while missing him . when an envelope falled from a jacket . She bent down and caught it .

_ To Mikasa  _ , was written on it . Armin's handwriting . 

She opened it and started to read .

_ Dear Mikasa , _

_ By the time you read this , I'd be dead already . Thanks making the 27 years of my life the best.  _

_ Thanks for fighting to protect me . Thanks for being you . While I'm writing this , I know you're sad while reading it . I can imagine your frown , those dark circles around your eyes from crying .  _

She smiled . 

_ I also bet you smiled when you read the previous line. I know you too well . I know you are not as happy as you promised me , but I also know you'll be . I know you'll find the peace you always wanted . It may seem impossible to you , but it's true because happiness comes from the most unexpected places . What I wanna say is don't lose hope . Stay strong as I always knew you . Don't be sad . Don't be regretful . I died , but you're still alive . And you'll live two lives for the both of us . In fact for the three of us . for me , Eren and you .  _

_ Be happy and take care of yourself ,  _

_ Sincerely ,  _

_ Armin.  _

  
  


_ Yes Armin you're right as always , she held her belly . _

*************

Mikasa walked into the graveyard . Holding a little hand . One that belonged to a five years old girl . With big curious ocean eyes and black silk hair . 

"Mom , why did you name me  _ 'Blue' _ ?" She asked 

"Because your father loved this colour" Mikasa smiled at her daughter . "Here we arrived . Take this and give them to your father" she handed her a bouquet of white flowers .

She put them in front of his grave . "Happy Birthday, daddy" Blue smiled . 

"Happy Birthday , Armin" Mikasa kneeled to hug her daughter 

  
  



End file.
